There are a lot of things people take for granted.  Family, health, the freedom to act like a moron are just a few of these things.  I have come to believe that this is a good thing in many ways.  Consider your health, people who take their health for granted are generally out and about doing things they enjoy, whereas people who “appreciate” it tend to wash their hands a lot and worry about Mad Cow disease.  Relationships are another thing that can, are, and should be taken for granted 99% of the time.  For instance my mother loves me, and I love her.  If I honestly thought about the sacrifices she made to ensure the life I had as a child, or the worry she must have felt at different points in my life, to the degree that these things deserved, I would have almost no time to live the life she gave me. 

In case you are wondering, the next time your wife, girlfriend, or significant other complains that you don’t appreciate them, or take them for granted say this:

“I know and it kills me inside that I simply have no ability to describe the infinite.  I am humbled into silence by my love for you.”  If you can pretend to get choked up that will really put you over the top.   Then follow up with this. 

“When you chose to share your life with me, I had no idea how wonderful it would be, and that words could never describe how happy I have become.  I am so sorry to hear that you don’t feel the same, that living everyday for the other isn’t testament enough of our love.  I’m so sorry.”

By this point she is probably in the kitchen baking you a Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf…you are welcome.  The key is you make sure that the “I’m so sorry” is ambiguous – not exactly an apology not exactly an accusation.  Odds are the woman is terribly insecure and that’s why she’s nagging, now she has something to feel insecure about.  If you are unlucky enough to have a mean woman, well her brain was just looking for those words and like the Terminator was completely  single-minded in her mission to achieve them – Mission Accomplished.  If neither of those two option occured,  you have a woman who is most likely sweet, smart, and normal – most likely too damn good for your sorry ass - in which case shame on you for not appreciating her.

(It was brought to my attention that a percentage of the Flyosophy readership may in fact be female…as unlikely as this is I have been shamed into offering some advice on how to handle the delicate situation of when a man complains that he isn’t being appreciated enough.  There are two steps you must follow.  1st Point.  2nd Laugh.  Under no circumstances should you fornicate with this man…the resulting offspring would most likely annoy me if I was ever unfortunate enough to encounter them at a Taco Bell drive up window, and that would be a tragedy.) 

How did we get on this subject? Oh thats right I was building up to an observation about the human condition that irks me…it’s kind of my thing.

Since moving to Cape Cod (a popular tourist and destination fly fishing locale) I have been amazed to witness just how many people get stressed out by fishing.  I had always taken it for granted that fishing was a means of relieving stress, that, however, is simply not true. 

I can see how if a person planned for a trip – especially if they came from a great distance – and the weather, fish, or bait did not co-operate could make one extremely disappointed, even depressed.  Stressed?  Happens, happens a lot in fact.  I’m talking about negative stress, not excitement, or the sudden disappointment that may come when you lose a huge fish.  I’m talking about the lactic acid of the soul, the root cause of most ailments, a force that can drive people to destroy themselves from the inside out. 

I am not entirely sure how fishing could be the root cause of this, but I have a few theories.

The first is the simplest, unrealistic expectations.  The reality of a trip, even a very good trip, often can not match the dream of the trip.  Some take this a dangerous step forward and conciously or not believe that this is somehow their fault.  That if they had a different fly or more skills or had gotten up earlier the trip of a life-time would have been better.  Some even believe, again maybe not with the fore of their mind, that bad weather or some other whim of nature was meant to thwart them.  The old joke of the winning player thanking God for the victory seems rather nice, until you consider its foil, a sulking playing in the opposing uniform saying, “Jesus made me fumble.”

There is also the grim reality that a lot of people are under a great deal of stress most of the year, and simply can’t relax.  So in January a week on July’s calendar gets circled.  Each day when the boss is an ass, the kids are well kids, and he get yelled at for working too much on the same day he has to decide who hates him less the cable company or the phone company, one looks at that week and the red circle around it and thinks: I’ll be happy then.  That week comes and one hasn’t hooked a fish by Tuesday and starts to wonder if he will ever be happy.  The work is mounting up back in the office and this is supposed to be relaxing, but isn’t.  What is wrong???  This was supposed to be the best week of the year and it sucks, everything sucks.  Oooo scary, this is a dismal reality for far too many people. 

Then you have a group that I have very little sympathy for.  Those being the competitive anglers.  I have literally fished with guys who felt a good day was when their buddy caught one fish and they caught two, yet a bad day was when they caught 10 fish and their partner caught 11.  This is pathetic, immature and all too common.  People like this ought to be mocked and avoided.  Or better still try and snag their line and make them think they caught something…classic! 

Finally there is a segment of the population who simply have no idea what is worth getting stressed over.

“Hey Kid, want to know the first rule of driving an ambulance.  ‘Its not your emergency.’”

Surly Ambulance Guy

I was always very nervous when I was a kid, and really no better as a young adult.  I used to worry that awful things would happen to my family – and they did.  I used to worry that awful things would happen in my relationships – and they did.  I used to worry that my dog would die – and it did.  Not exactly the most uplifting story, but the punchline can be.  Worrying about stuff changed nothing…it only robbed me of the opportunity to enjoy things more fully.

I don’t care how tough you are, or how intelligent – the number of things you have direct control over is minor at best.  Granted if you are blessed to be a parent the ability you have to shape the lives of your children is unknowable – provided you aren’t over-stressed by concerns at work or whatnot.  Even in fly fishing, all you can do is present the perfect fly the perfect way…it is up to the fish to take it…or not.  Honestly would you be happier catching a big fish on mere luck, or making a perfect cast and presentation?  I know my answer, but I’ve always put more value on the process than the result.

I don’t put much faith in stress-reduction techniques, nor do I think fishing should be used as a means of reducing stress.  Stress comes not from the world, but from ourselves.  We can either grant it power over us, or we can trust that the world is in more able hands than ours.  At the end of the day, the problems facing us will be little different, but we will be different and far better able to handle them. 

That is a comforting thought.